A first

With less than five hours of sleep under my belt I probably shouldn't be blogging right now but I've been away for too longg as is I really need to work on my scheduled editorial calendar. Yesterday we recieved the news that Kyle's grandfather may not have much longer to live, estimated in days. As soon as Kyle got off work we drove 45 minutes to be with him. We ended up staying in Dover overnight at his parents house only to return to Clarksville at 5:00AM. I'm emotionally and physically drained to say the least.

This is a first for me. I have dealt with death in my family more times than I would like to count. I haven't, however, had the hand dealt of a death in my spouses family. When I recieved the call from Kyle yesterday I completely fell apart on the inside, and after hanging up the phone on the outside as well. The pain in Kyles voice broke me. As his wife I wanted to immediately fix everything and this was something I couldn't. I wanted to cradle him like a child and let him know everything would be okay, but I couldn't. This wasn't something I could fix or just slap a bandaid on. I felt completely helpless.

This wasn't the only first for me. When two of my three grandfathers passed away neither had mourning spouses, they were both divorced. When my grandmother passed away she also didn't have a spouse. When my great grandmother passed away her husband had already passed long before I was born. Kyle's grandfather, however, did have a mourning spouse. I had never experienced death from this view, seeing her rub his hand as he laid in the hospital bed, seeing the life completely drained from her, knowing she hasn't slept and probably hasn't eaten, it was completely heart breaking.

Again, these weren't the only firsts. Kyle has a huge family, to which some people may think its average but to me it's gigantic. When my grandfather was in hospice he had a couple of friends drop by, my uncle came, but other than that my dad, mom, sister, and I were the main visitors. The difference? Kyle's grandfather had six out of seven grand kids, the seventh on his way, and many more family members there to support and love him. It was so refreshing to hear all sorts of stories about a man I didn't get to love and know long enough.

Grand daddy Clay will be missed by so many people. He's one of the greatest men I've met and I wish I could have known him longer than just three short years. You know you can speak highly of someone when their grandson is walking through the store and is stopped by a stranger and told a story of how Clay gave her medication for her baby when she couldn't afford it and never asked for a dime (he owned a pharmacy), along with many more stories of his generosity. I can't tell you the amount of stories of how he has the patience of a saint...even when his grandchild knocks over a whole can of gas in the garage and yet he doesn't say a word, he just cleans it up.

I'm thankful that this past Christmas at their house I sat in the seat beside him. As I helped him open his presents and read his cards I got to bond with him, a moment that on any other day I may have taken for granted.

I ask that you pray for his family through this time. Though he has not passed yet, his family is already dealing with the emotions of the events leading up to it. I also ask that you pray for when he does pass, that it will be peaceful and that he won't have to experience any pain and that his family will have peace and know that he is in a much better place than we are and that they can rejoice in that.


xoxo Haley